Jesus Christ, Silicon Valley

Jesus. Jesus, Jesus Christ.

Ladies of Silicon Valley: Lean Back

Confucius say: Glass ceiling beautiful on day one… covered in bird shit within month. 

So everyone — by which I mean slightly above “no one” in the Valley, and slightly below that outside it — is talking — by which I mean “once skimmed a blog post because Zuck shared it”— about Lean In, the awkwardly-named movement encouraging women to get themselves into positions of power.

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Jesus Christ, Silicon Valley!

You’ve probably heard the news. No, you’ve definitely heard the news, because it’s Monday and you’ve been reading tech blogs all day, slowly burning your investors’ money. “Keeping tabs on the industry,” of course.

Anyway. I’m proud and elated and effervescent (and really fucking loaded) today after having been acquired by Yahoo!

Goddamn, what a moment for me.

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Quora! Quora! Quora!?

This is the first in my new series, “Financially Augmented Posts” (FAPs). Quora has paid a substantial fee to appear relevant for the brief moment in which you are reading this, and to have their name mentioned a minimum of fifteen times.

They have also received favorable coverage.

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A nice piece of Glass

TL;DR: Fuck you.

image

Manufactured in China. Designed by douchebags.

The world — by which of course I mean tech “journalists” who earn a living making the Valley feel like it deserves reportage — seems to care about Google Glass, the idiotic new wearable computer from Mountain View.

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What Your Profile Picture Says About You (Hint: "You're a Douchebag")

Warning: this post contains graphic imagery of pricks, cunts and assholes.

I have a new favorite douchebag profile pic: Enthralling My Fucking Audience. This one is phenomenal; you’ve probably seen it somewhere amongst your fucking friends. It’s where a Very Important Dbag (VIDb) is captivating above-mentioned audience solely through the power of his personal presence.

Jesus Christ, the fucking hubris. The fucking insane, idiotic hubris.

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I found today’s Google Doodle a bit overt, but that’s sort of in keeping with the Larry Page Era’s organizational focus, culture of design and rampant Christianity.

I found today’s Google Doodle a bit overt, but that’s sort of in keeping with the Larry Page Era’s organizational focus, culture of design and rampant Christianity.

Yes, that's Jesus in a hoodie

Step 2: Confirm trollbag Nathan Myhrvold does not already hold patent on “Son of God, Wearing ‘Hoodie.’”

Step 3: Kickstarter this bitch?

Step 4: Deliver on typical Kickstarter schedule, i.e., never.

Step 5: Sell for typical Silicon Valley multiple (400x revenues + $25M, which is to say, $25.1M).